


Kiss-Cam

by brothergrimace1



Category: Daria - Fandom
Genre: Multi, Romantic Comedy, accidental porn, slapstick comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-18
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-12-16 19:10:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11835171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brothergrimace1/pseuds/brothergrimace1
Summary: Ms. Li gets a 'Kiss-Cam' for Lawndale High! Upchuck's put in charge!  Let the naughty begin!





	Kiss-Cam

 

 

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, Lawndale High School is proud to present - _the ' Kiss-Cam_'! _"_  
  
In the bleachers for the basketball game between Lawndale and the Polk Penguins, Jane Lane and Daria Morgendorffer exchanged looks of slight annoyance - not only at the lecherous sound of 'Upchuck' Ruttheimer's eternally lecherous tone, but for the doom his words foretold.  
  
"Oh, great," Jane groused. "Come, all ye young lovers, and let us cajole you into swapping spit for your fellow students' amusement."  
  
"Now, let us not pass judgement upon the meal before it is served," Daria deadpanned in response. "We should remember the late and less-lamented Mister Sherman - and in that spirit, which haunts these halls-"  
  
"And the shower in the girls' locker room," Jane replied.  
  
"-we should wait to see if Ms. Li has personalized the concept by putting the camera on bungee cords and dropping it into the bleachers - so that one lucky audience member shall receive a kiss destined never to be forgotten."  
  
"Or remembered. Those swinging camera thingies hurt."  
  
On the huge 'Ultra Cola' electronic billboard on the wall, the words _'LAWNDALE HIGH SCHOOL'_  spun into view and seemed to splatter the video screen into pink, which reformed into a heart with the words _'KISS-CAM!'_ in neon pink letters with white trim.   
  
"I think I'm going to toss my cookies," Daria intoned, shaking her head.  
  
"You should try throwing them at the masses," Jane shot back. "Work on your upper body strength. We'll worry about your pitching arm later."  
  
"I'll pitch a fit if we end up on that 'Kiss-Cam'."  
  
"Don't worry about it, Daria. We won't land on 'Kiss-Cam'. 'Kiss-Cam' will land on us."  
  
Sure enough - less than five seconds later, Daria and Jane found themselves surrounded in laughter as they saw their images surrounded by a big pink heart on the screen.   
  
Naturally, both girls raised the middle fingers of their right hands in unison and held them up. "Thanks for the generous offer, ladies," the voice of Upchuck purred, flowing from the speakers like warm silk. "Not right now, I'm afraid. I'm working."  
  
The sound of a sturdy slap - and a male cry of pain - brought tiny smiles to Daria and Jane's faces.  
  
The girls watched as the image once again swung across the sea of teenage faces - to stop upon a wide-eyed Quinn Morgendorffer and her ever-present shadow, Stacy Rowe.  
  
"We're on the _KISS-CAM?"_ Quinn squawked, her voice carrying across the area. "But - we  can't be! We're not a couple - and neither of us is a _guy_! See? We have scrunchies, and boobs, and all the other girl-stuff!"  
  
The crowd roared, drowning out Quinn's cry as Stacy (a lustful fire suddenly blossoming in her large brown eyes) turned Quinn around to lay a kiss on her that made her eyes fly open, then go half-closed as she sunk into the kiss; even above the sudden din, a triumphant cry of **_**'** FIESTY!' _**was easily identifiable in the mix.  
  
A second voice - stern, female and instantly recognizable - blasted out of the PA system. _"You IDIOT! Oh, give me those controls-!"_  
  
 _"Ms. Li, hold on a second - OW! OW! Let go of that, the wires are cutting into - THE PAIN! That little piggy's on fire-!"_  
  
The 'Kiss-Cam' heart - and the image of Stacy furiously French-kissing Quinn - wiped and the screen went to static, then color bars and tone - and then, the graphic _' LHS Master Security Observation Grid  ** **enabled****  - Zone 0059/Security Camera Delta-16 - Science Classroom/Forward View' _appeared on the screen.  
  
"Well, this is interesting," Daria observed. "A surprise plot twist."  
  
The crowd went stone silent as Upchuck's whimpering and Li's sudden shout of horror - _"What the HELL-? How did THAT connect into the security grid? Ruttheimer, you idiot, what happened? What did you do?"_ \- suddenly dampened down as the gruff, unmistakable sound of Anthony DeMartino's voice filled the LHS gymnasium...  
  
 _"Oh, my... word - woman... yes... damn... Janet... Oh, God... Janet... I think I'm about to - pop!"_  
  
 _"Yessss..."_  the equally-unmistakable voice of Janet Barch cooed from behind the teacher's desk. _" Good boy. Make that third eye bulge for Momma-!"_  
  
"You know, that's what I've always liked about Lawndale High," Daria said, watching as the players and students - a sobbing Brittany Taylor only slightly behind Andrea, who had turned slightly green and bolted for the door as the sound of DeMartino's sudden halting exhalations and a wet, splattering sound against a hard surface poured out over the horrified crowd.  
  
"The excellent evacuation capabilities of the student body, the digital-quality sound of the surveillance equipment, or the impromptu live streaming of amateur porn?" Jane asked in response.   
  
"The way the teachers and staff use modern technologies to teach us new and exciting things about the world around us," Daria spoke up.  
  
"They're also showing us how the medium of television brings people together," Jane added, as the two turned to see Quinn still pressed firm against Stacy, moaning as Stacy ran fingers through Quinn's bouncy, carrot-hued hair.   
  
A small, knowing smile slid across Daria's face. "We've learned an important lesson today, Jane. Who says that TV can't make a positive difference in our lives?'  
  
Jane cackled with glee. _"And knowing is half the battle!"_  
  
  
 _La la LA la laaa_  
  
  
  
 **END**

 

 

 

8 June 2012


End file.
